Last episode is right here.
Another long night on the job. Ralph hated stakeouts. He sat alone in his car, keeping a steady supply of caffeine in his veins just to make it through the night. The elementary school seemed calm and undisturbed. The only movement was the moths dancing under the streetlight. He sighed and reached for his coffee—
TAP, TAP, TAP
Ralph: What the balls?
Ralph dropped his coffee and rammed his knee into the steering wheel. He looked out his window to see Sam smiling down at him, a fine chick in the arm that wasn’t still tapping the window.
TAP, TAP, TAP
Sam: Buddy! Hey! What are you doing here?
Ralph lowers the window.
Ralph: Sam! You’ll scare the rapists away! Get out of here!
Sam: You’re fine, Buddy! Rapists don’t hang out here.
Ralph: How do you know?
Sam: Well, I used to hang out here.
Ralph: … Who’s your friend?
Sam: This is the girl I wanted you to meet. Ralph, Sam. Sam, this is Ralph. Just call him Buddy.
Ralph nodded his head and shook her hand through the window.
Ralph: Nice to meet you… Sam.
Her breasts bounced in the moonlight.
Ralph: (To Girl Sam) Sam, listen… there’s no way I’m going to be able to call you that. How about I just call you “Antha.”
Girl Sam: Perfect! That’s what all the ladies call me at work!
Ralph: Really? So what is it that you do?
Antha: I work at Victoria’s Secret with the working girls – I’m not a model myself, well I used to be, but now I’m focusing on corporate. They’re saying with my potential, I could be CEO.
Ralph: That is unbelievable, Antha.
Sam: Isn’t she amazing? I was showing the Johnsons that mansion over on Ridge Way at an open house, and Antha just happened to be there too.
Antha: And I just fell head over heels, right babe?
Sam: Haha! You sure did.
Sam leans down and pecks her on the cheek while cupping her breast. Buddy uncomfortably checks his phone. No one had called or texted him.
Sam: Well, Buddy, Antha and I are going to get going. She’s going to show me some of her work ideas.
Ralph: Sounds awesome. I’m going to look for rapists.
Ralph comes home and hears noises coming from Sam’s room. Sam and Antha are being loud.
“Oh! No! Don’t put it there! No! Don’t jump me! Ahhhh! …king me.”
Ralph busts into the room. Sam and Antha are playing Checkers.
Sam: Buddy. What’s up?
Ralph: Nothing. Sorry. Just got home from the stake-out.
Ralph slowly closes the door. He returns to the kitchen and throws some water on his face. Ralph doesn’t know how to feel anymore. His best friend, his roommate, his partner was hanging out all the time with this new chick and her outstandingly perky breasts. He decides to drown his sorrows by watching Bad Boys II and eating sugar-coated cereal. While taking the cereal from the cupboard, he notices a small box labeled, “Sam’s Emergency Drugs.”
Ralph pulls it out and turns it over in his hand. Inside is a small, white pill. Taking a deep breath and a small glass of water, he downs it. Ralph stands around waiting for something to happen, so he proceeds to the couch and begins screaming.
Ralph: Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Sam busts into the room in a clown costume. Antha is dressed as a safari guide.
Sam: What’s wrong?
Ralph: I don’t know… something has just… come over me. I feel… different.
Sam: Well, how different do you feel?
Ralph: You know (baiting Sam) … different.
Sam: This is ridiculous. Antha and I are getting back to our games.
Sam walks out of the living room, into his bedroom, again cupping Antha’s breast along the way. The line between reality and imagination seemed to be blurring. Ralph passes out on the couch. He doesn’t even notice his phone buzzing, or the text message that reads, “OMG 911!”
End of episode 4.