Here’s the college admission essay that I wrote as a senior in high school. Reading it now, I don’t know how I got in anywhere.
When I sat down to consider a great passion of mine that has contributed to my personal growth, only one thing came to mind: milk. I have devoted a few minutes of each day of my life to consuming it, and I plan to continue consuming it in the future. I am a more personally grown person because of it, and in more ways than one. A man once said, “A man without passion is a man without bones.” I have both passion and bones, and because of my passion, my bones are strong.
I have drunk milk nearly every day of my life. During the first few weeks of life, it was my only passion. Since then I’ve picked up a few others, but it still floats around my top ten. At the age of seven, I was told drinking four cups a day would help me grow big and tall. I just wanted to be tall and not big, so I only drank the second two. I’m now 6’2” and still downing two cups of two percent a day.* As much as I love milk, I’m insulted by folks out there drinking skim. They’re missing the true glory of milk by choking down its weaker, less tasty cousin. It bothers me, and I’ll tell you why with an anecdote.
As a young, strapping chap no older than five, I was deprived. My mother had been serving me skim milk my whole life. I loved it, yet my horizons remained narrow. Ignorant and misguided, I drank the transparent milk without a complaint. Until one day, my grandpa came to our home. We all sat down to a simple breakfast of cereal with milk. My mother was aware of this man’s intolerance for sub-par milk. Realizing her situation, my mother made a desperate attempt to try and fool him with the old half-and-half/skim concoction. Needless to say, he wasn’t fooled. He was disturbed by this deliberate denial of decent milk. I was confused by the whole situation. Grandpa took me to the store and purchased the whiter, less watery milk that is two percent. I drank, I loved, I cried, and I’ve never gone back.**
Milk’s nutritional value is irrefutable. The calcium it provides is necessary to healthy bones and teeth. Everything about milk is splendid! It’s so fluid and white. The container is so nicely shaped, with the potential to become an instrument or decorative ornament.*** I often dream about a mountain stream of milk. Cute baby animals would come to drink from its healthy, delicious bounty. People could swim in it, go white milk rafting, and even make cheese, milk popsicles, or yogurt. The possibilities are endless! It’s simply spectacular all around. It’s the Lehigh of dairy.
If Lehigh were the wholesome, life-giving milk, I would be the chocolate syrup added to the milk. I’m sweet, smooth, flavorsome, and could be stored in a refrigerator. I am impressed with the school and would love to study and grow there. The school has a superb reputation, and wonderful programs. At Lehigh, I could follow some of my passions, and grow as a person. I am always anxious to expand my horizons, learn new things, drink better milk, etc. So stir me in for eight to ten seconds, and consider me as a candidate for Lehigh University.****
* I just measured myself and am now about 6′ 1 and 3/4″. Must have shrunk.
** True story.
*** You learn this in Cub Scouts.
**** I sent this same essay to every school I applied to, but just changed the school’s name. Don’t feel special Lehigh.