A few days after finals blew over, I found myself sitting back at home in my kitchen eating my mother’s “Sally Potatoes” and discussing angrily with her my deficient pants wardrobe.
My mother attacked, “Robbie, have you been wearing those jeans since Thanksgiving without washing?”
Looking down, “Well I’ll be darned! I guess I have.” I don’t curse in front of my mother.
“That is completely unacceptable! Didn’t I raise you better than that? They probably smell like you-know-what!” My mother replaces all bad words with the phrase “you-know-what.” The word she replaced here was “poop.”
“Mother, they’re fine! Besides, I think I left my other pair at church.”
Neglecting to question why I would take off my pants in a church, my mother calmed down, “Oh, good. Well, either way. I’m buying you some more of those American Eagle jeans that don’t ride low and dangle off your peeper.” Somehow peeper slips past the filter and doesn’t get a “you-know-what” replacement. Additionally, my mother shares in the all-too-common female misconception that men somehow hold up their pants by their penis.
“MOM! Frick! Let’s just play Scrabble.”
So my mother and I ran around the house trying to round up some competitors. It was 8:30 so my dad was already asleep. My little sister Emily couldn’t break away from the current episode of “The O.C.” on DVD, but my older sister Christina agreed to play. We took our positions around the kitchen table.
It was Friday night and I had dominated both of them the past couple times we played, so I offered to make the game a little more interesting. I grabbed three Natural Ices and set them on the table and explained the rules. If the previous player scored higher than you on their turn, you had to drink. Simple as that. Surprisingly, they both agreed.
Game Nights and alcohol are a necessity to surviving the holidays with your families. They’re a great way to grease up those socially awkward relatives, and a surefire way to make fun of them without them understanding. And now that you’re in college, it’s magically acceptable if you drink with them. Keep in mind, the fun-ness of the Game Night is very game dependent. There are far more non-fun games than fun games out there. Here are the good ones that you are almost always guaranteed to have a good time playing:
- Catch Phrase (I hope someone in your family has a stutter.)
- Mad Gab (Drinking required.)
- Guesstures (Fuck you friends, it’s fun.)
- Scrabble (Enforce the two minute turn rule.)
It’s a pretty good bet that any other games are going to suck horribly, specifically:
- Twister (Probably more uncomfortable than anything.)
- Strip poker (Same as with Twister. Or anything in the strip genre.)
- Apples to Apples (I don’t care. This game is seriously retarded.)
An hour into our rousing game of Scrabblackout, Christina took us all by surprise with the triple word score add-on “jerasicpark.” We then completely abandoned the rule book and began stacking the tiles into a scale model of our house. Every couple minutes one of us would scream, “RAPTOR ATTACK!” and then crash the entire thing while we all laughed hysterically.
After singing rap versions of every elementary school church song we could think of, we passed out on the couch together.