Blip. Blip… Blip.
I woke from my nap and glanced over at my open computer. Someone was blowing up my g-chat. I groggily stumbled over to my computer to see who it was.
It was Dave.
Dave: what are we doing tongiht
I had no idea.
Robbie: no idea
Robbie: just woke up from a nap. think I might buy a car
Last week I had to bike to the grocery store for a gallon of milk and a baguette that Dave gave to some trick-or-treaters. That was the final straw; I was going to buy a car.
Dave: k, what kind
Robbie: hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. I’ll check Craigslist.
I started looking through listings on Craigslist. First one I opened was a 1988 BMW 5 series. The price and color were right, and it was the same age as me. It was fate.
Robbie: found one. can you drive me to pick it up?
Dave: you’ve been looking for like one minute
Robbie: yeah I know, car hunting is mad easy
Dave: I’m at work, but I’ll be home at 6:30
Robbie: I can’t wait that long, I’m calling Dylan
Robbie is offline.
Ten minutes later, Dylan and I were driving off to a dilapidated suburb of Allentown. After passing what might have been a ten year old carrying a gun while riding a skateboard, Dylan was getting a little nervous.
Dylan: “So how did you find this guy again?”
Me: “Craigslist. Hold on, I’m calling my mom.”
The phone rang once and my mother picked up.
Me: “Mom, I think I’m buying a car from a guy on Craigslist.”
Me: “He seemed nice.”
Mom: “I don’t trust him. This is a bad idea. You don’t know who has driven it, where he got it, or if it has a clean medical history. I don’t know how you’re going to work on our insur—“
Me: “Mom, calm it. I have to hang up now. I was just letting you know.”
I slid shut my LG Shine as we pulled up to the house, which had an eighteen wheeler semi-truck parked on the front lawn. Dylan had accidentally left her Google Maps on walk mode, so it took about 45 minutes to drive the 13 miles. It was dark when we arrived.
Dylan: “Why the hell is there a moving truck on his front lawn? This is a bad idea. It’s dark. There are probably dead bodies in there. We need to get the hell out of here now. People kill people on Craigslist.”
Me: “Haha! Don’t be silly Dylan. He’s obviously selling his BMW because he bought this nice new semi.”
I cheerfully hopped out of her car and started towards the house. A shadow passed by the front window of the dimly lit home.
Dylan: “No. Robbie. That makes no fucking sense. Get back in the goddamned car— Shit, there’s someone in there!”
A tall man in a black hoodie made his way out the front door.
Jose: “Hi, I’m Jose. You Robbie?”
Me: “Yup, nice to meet you. That’s Dylan.”
I pointed at the car where Dylan was sitting. We looked over at the car. She ducked.
Jose: “Great to meet you too. Well, here she is. Nice little beamer from 1988, and runs like a beast. This car’s got balls. Want to hop in and take it for a spin?”
Me: “Sounds logical.”
It was so sexy. I would have bought it on the spot, but Dylan made me leave my check book at home to avoid any impulse purchases. I turned and yelled at her in the car who was texting something.
Side note: I found out later she was sending a message to her roommates describing her surroundings in case we were murdered, raped, or some combination of the two.
Me: “Dylan! Get in the car. Jose’s taking us for a spin!”
Dylan nervously stepped out of the car.
Me: “Get in the back seat. Jose’s driving. Shot gun!”
Dylan dove to the ground.
Me: “I mean front seat Dylan! Haha! Wow, what a goofball. Am I right, Jose?”
Jose nodded and tucked something back in his pants.
We all got in the car and he started driving.
Jose started talking a mile a minute about the features of the car, leaving me pretty much speechless. Knowing almost nothing about cars, I had very few knowledgeable questions. He covered everything I had memorized from Wikipedia in the first minute.
Jose: “…great bushings. Newly renovated side panels. You could rub a baby’s ass on those panels. Know what I mean?”
Me: “Couldn’t agree more J!”
Jose: “It’s Jose.”
Me: “Right. By the way, where’d you get this car?”
Jose: “Um, the previous owner was an old man. Got it pretty much for free. I figured if I fixed it up a bit I could make a killing.”
Me: “That you can mon frère.” I said with a wink.
Jose grimaced and shoved the car into fifth gear.
We had been driving for about ten minutes down an old route near Allentown that was pretty much an abandoned highway, and I was running out of questions.
I looked back at Dylan. She was pale and rocking back and forth. She glanced up at me and gave a look as if to say, “We’re going to die.” She also mouthed it in case I didn’t get the message. I mouthed, “LOL” and turned back to Jose.
Me: “My man. I think I’m ready to buy this thing. Let’s turn her around and head back.”
Jose: “If it’s alright, we’ll just head off this exit and turn her around at this old abandoned ice skating rink. I’ll give you a shot at driving it if you’d like.”
We drove another five or so minutes before he pulled off into a pitch black parking lot away from any civilization.
Me: “I’m glad you found such an abandoned spot. I don’t want to embarrass myself with not knowing how to drive!”
Jose: “My thoughts exactly.”
Jose adjusted the rear view mirror and unbuckled his seat as he pulled to a stop.
Jose: “You guys mind waiting a second? I’m going to grab something from my trunk.”
Robbie: “Sure thing J.”
To be continued…
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