Jake and Amir recently held a contest to see who could write the best script that they would eventually produce. So I sat down and cranked out an episode that Jake and Amir said “…was so funny and unique in their own way.” Granted, that comment wasn’t exactly said directly to me and was more of a broad statement to both me and the 1400-some other people whose scripts were rejected, but still. Anyways, here she is.
If you’re not a Jake and Amir fan, this probably won’t make sense. Get hooked.
Amir: Jake, did you get the info I sent you on our dance class tonight?
Jake: …wait, what are you agreeing to? Did you say dancing?
Amir: Yeah. Ball room dancing. You should’ve gotten the fax like, four months ago.
Jake: One, you know I don’t have a fax machine. Two, you haven’t ever mentioned this. And three, I’m absolutely not going ball room dancing because I’m guessing you don’t even know what it is.
Amir: Well, if you had even read the fax you would have seen that it said, “no response means you’re coming.” Bold letters bro. (Amir hands Jake a paper that reads in bold letters, ‘NO REPONSE MEENS YOUR COMING”)
Jake: That’s not how this works. But let’s say I were to agree. I’m interested to know what you think ball room dancing is.
Amir: YES. YES! (Amir begins typing furiously.)
Jake: I did not say I agree. Amir. Stop. I did not say I’m coming.
(Sarah walks over.)
Sarah: Hey, Jake I just got the fax about you learning ball room dancing tonight. That’s so hot that you’re into that!
Jake: Uh… yeah it’s just something I’m into these days. It helps me keep my muscle tone.
Sarah: This makes you so much more attractive than before. Think I can come by and learn a few things?
Jake: Yeah, probably. It’s uh… (Jake glances at the paper) at the YMCA at 8:00.
Sarah: Oh cool–
Amir: Sarah. Hi there. (Amir smiles.)
Sarah: Oh, hey Amir.
Amir: Yeah, I’m not sure if you read the memo, but it says you’re not invited so think you can BUTT THE FUCK out of Jake and my activities? Thanks babe.
(Sarah walks away awkwardly.)
Jake: That was completely uncalled for.
Amir: (Amir looks down sadly) Yeah… you’re right. I don’t know, I just thought maybe it’d be fun to finally do something without everyone else around all the time.
Jake: (Jake sits quietly for a moment.) …Definitely still not going dancing with you. (Jake stands up and starts walking away.)
Amir: (Amir yells after him.) Wait! Dinner tonight? (The camera stays on Amir for a few seconds while Jake doesn’t respond. Amir yells again.) I’ll… fax you.