This is my most recent job interview experience and column in Lehigh’s Brown and White.
It’s the spring semester of my senior year, and everyone seems to be freaking out about job searching. My friend Sarah had just gotten out of an interview and was telling me all about it.
Sarah: “…and it has a wonderful corporate culture that works to develop yo-“
Me: “I really can’t listen to you anymore.”
Sarah: “Shut up Robbie! It’s really hard to find a job in this economy.”
Me: “Are you serious? It’s stupidly easy.”
Sarah: “Right. Why don’t you give it a shot then? Then you’ll see.”
As a rule, I don’t apply to jobs on LUCIE because most of the listed jobs’ responsibilities could easily be completed by inanimate objects, but to prove my point, I put together my resume and sent it out to every job on LUCIE that didn’t require a cover letter. The next morning, I had an interview with a company in New York. I called Sarah to gloat.
Me: “Honestly, that took like fifteen minutes.”
Sarah: “It’s not a job yet.”
Me: “It will be.”
So a few days later, I suited up and headed down to the interview. I was sitting in the waiting area when a cute little blond representative from the company named Jill sat down next to me. She immediately started barraging me with questions, but strangely didn’t seem to hear my answers.
Jill: “Hi! I’m Jill, are you Robbie?”
Me: “The one and only. How’s the interviewing going?”
Jill: “That’s so fascinating! What are your interests?”
Me: “Uh… I like dressing up, interviewing, and I have a thing for well-dressed blondes.”
Jill: “That’s also fascinating! Where are you from?”
Me: “I could tell you where I’m from, but I’d rather tell you where I want to be tonight.”
Jill: “Fascinating! What is your involvement on campus?”
The conversation continued in this bizarre, attention-deficit fashion of her firing off a random question and me responding with increasingly forward come-ons until an equally attractive woman broke it up to take me into the interview cell.
Me: “Well Jill, this has been fascinating. Let’s make out sometime.”
Again not hearing me, Jill had moved on to interrogating the next candidate on her interests. I turned to the next hot interviewer, a long-legged brunette named Melissa.
Me: “Shall we?”
I followed her into the warm questioning room. I sexily removed my jacket, and tossed it on a nearby chair.
Melissa: “So, tell me about yourself.”
After the Jill fail, I figured I’d give Melissa a shot. She was a bit more composed anyways, and had bigger breasts.
Me: “People describe me as quirky, but loveable. I like to have a good time, but I’m not opposed to just hanging out and cuddling all night. But enough about me, why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself, Melissa?”
I leaned forward a bit in my seat, crossed my legs, and propped my chin up on my fist.
Melissa: “We can just move on to the next question if you’d like.”
“I’d love that,” I said with a mischievous smile.
Melissa put down her notebook and clicked her pen closed.
Melissa: “I’m going to have to be honest with you. We gave you the interview before looking you up on the Internet. We found a few things that preclude you from working here, and probably anywhere.”
Me: “That’s cool. One question, can I get your number?”
Melissa: “No. Thanks for your time.”
Me: “I feel good about this.”
Melissa: “Please get out.”
I walked out of the interview room, and as I headed through the waiting area Jill subtly tapped me on the shoulder, handed me her card with her cell number on the other side, and told me to call her sometime. I took the card and headed back to my house when Sarah called me.
Sarah: “So how was it?”